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Katie Hopkins – Fat Friday.

Katie-Hopkins, column, Fat-People,Newsmediaimages.com

I think we all know that Katie Hopkins is one of the world’s most unpleasant people and not endowed with a high enough IQ to count a deck of playing cards. And yet unbelievably she still has her column of hate published each and every Friday by the Sun newspaper.

I’m left wondering if the ‘Hemingway of our time’ is the only person capable of fashioning the written word. Yeah, Katie Hopkins wishes…. my sources tell me that Katie hates NMi because…oh never mind.

Anyway, if you’re up for reading the self-absorbed hijinks of a screaming harpy then the Katie Hopkins column is your Friday read.

This week Katie Hopkins has written a flatly lame piece entitled “Proud fatties aren’t beach body ready… but body bag ready.”

People are always saying how awesome Katie is for writing down what everyone is thinking. This week Katie tries to fat shame the obese cake eaters out there into getting off their gigantic asses and hitting the treadmill before they bankrupt what’s left of the NHS.

Yes, Katie says it’s not okay to be fat and proud. And it’s not. Well okay, be fat if you must, just not the proud part.

In this weeks column of hate Katie takes particular pleasure at pointing her nasty tongue at weight challenged Gemma Atkinson, (those aren’t curves, they’re lumps) who has appeared on Splash! Katie makes reference to Gemma diving into a pool and displacing most of the water in it.

Katie also takes a swipe at Britain’s Got Talent saying that ‘most of the acts are morbidly obese.’

Well, if suddenly it’s uncool to be overweight, then that dwarf faced cow might actually be right. However, I can’t live in a world where semi naked chubsters are on my TV and Katie Hopkins deserves a round of applause.

Fat people are an easy target to post about but Katie Hopkins just isn’t funny. Not because of her lackluster stereotyping but because of her spectacular agenda to offend. After reading her one is left thinking how easy it would be to spend your last silver penny on having her exterminated.

Okay, that’s just me. Katie Hopkins isn’t a child molester. She’s just a person who scores a massive pay cheque writing provocative nastiness about the first thing that she can think of. She probably makes it up.

If these nasty vile tirades came from anyone but a semi-famous blowhard then the Sun would in no way allow Katie to be published. After all 80% of their readership are weight challenged white van men, right?

The Sun’s readers should now remove their stupid glasses and admit that their favourite tabloid is spoon feeding them pseudo-intellectual bullshit and has sold them out.

On the other hand, maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the Great Satan, offending all the gods of Fleet Street, including Hashtag, the god of tweeting off at the mouth. How else do you explain me not having a column in the nations favourite newspaper? I should go boom and shout penis at the top of my voice and make this happen.

But you know what…  put a burqa on Katie, you self-satisfied lump of cheese. The world is watching.

Jenna Jameson To Enter Celebrity Big Brother.

Jenna Jameson,CBB,newsmediaimages.com

Because Jenna Jameson is totally insane it was only a matter of time before Celebrity Big Brother went from pissing everyone off to promoting a women from the porn industry.

According to the Daily Star Celebrity Big Brother have signed yet another adult film actress for this summer’s show. Jenna Jameson, aka “The Queen of Porn’’ will become the third attention seeking sexy person booked into the house of horrors.

Jenna will join Farrah Abraham and Tila Tequila in the CBB line-up.

Jenna is without question one of the most famous adult movie actresses of all time. She has amassed a £20million fortune from X rated movies, selling sex toys and endorsing just about any sex based product that’s come her way. She’s even written a book. About porn.

VibeReview say that Jenna Jameson’s lady parts were once replicated using a unique moulding process which meant her luscious ass and vagina could then be ‘experienced’ by anyone with a credit card.

There’s a growing opinion that Celebrity Big Brother is now becoming a desperate show for desperate people. I’m pretty sure I speak for the consumer when I ask what exactly has this woman done to earn the attention she’s about to get. I mean, is Jenna really the hottest woman in porn today, because I’m pretty sure at 41 years-old the Jenna Jameson clock has almost struck midnight.

Porn stars are strange creatures at the best of times. They say that Jenna Jameson once used a pair of pliers to pull the braces off her teeth in order to make a fake ID and get a job as a stripper. Apparently at one time she was doing so much coke and meth that she weighed just 5 stone. They also say that Jenna chose the stage name “Jameson” because it was her favorite whiskey.

So to the moral of this story. You shouldn’t do anything that a porn star does. They’ve made some really bad decisions in their time.

Jennifer Metcalfe: Morning Model

Jennifer Metcalfe, morning model,newsmediaimages.com

It’s easy to imagine that girls from Bradford think that life is a cold pie stuffed with dejection. Except for Jennifer Metcalfe that is, because she’s the hottest thing Bradford has ever produced.

I’ve been to Bradford. Meh, it’s like most places but if you’re the hottest girl in the town, then you owe it to the world to become an actress, a model or an exhibitionist. Or all three.

If you follow the plan then you’ll rewarded with hunky boyfriends and all the powder you can snort in your London based penthouse. You’ll be able to stash the cash and apply some Pilates to those tanned and beautiful curves.

This is what Jennifer Metcalfe has done. It’s proved way more fruitful than working at Lidl.

Sepp Blatter Nearly Arrested.

Seb Blatter fifa corruption newsmediaimages.com

I think FIFA President Sepp Blatter was probably sodomising some exotic dancer when the FBI arrested seven of his officials yesterday and then threw their passports in a carbon neutral incinerator.

Just look at this bad-ass. Forget Dominique Strauss-Kahn, this ugloid looking dwarf has been corrupting thousands of officials by forcing them to snort piles of money laundered bank notes without a filter.

Sepp Blatter isn’t ready to admit he loves corruption yet and is still blaming everyone else for his problems in brazenly delusional rants. His latest line of logic finds the media actively plotting to ruin his life and clearly it’s succeeding. [click to continue…]

Michelle Keegan Honeymoon picture newsmediaimages.com

NMi would like to be the first to publish pictures of Mark Wright and Michelle Keegan having sex in a hot tub while on their honeymoon in Mexico.

However, there don’t seem to be any decent scans online yet and none of these totally uncensored pictures have hit Vivid Entertainment. But they will be available to view very soon. Most likely.

Mark hinted that the saucy pictures do actually exist when he told Hello Magazine that they were no big deal.

‘They’re no big deal but I am really excited about them, they’re for our long term security. We now have our sexy fairytale.’

Yes. Fairytale. Which is what this post is. I don’t know why I even bothered to make it up. [click to continue…]

Rita Ora Didn’t Deserve Better Things.

Rita Ora, Better Things,Newsmediaimages.com

Nothing says gobble up my music like A$AP Rocky releasing a track about a lady who touched his privates and then put his crinkly wrinkly in her mouth. A million plays later, Rita Ora’s reputation is in a shit hole.

I don’t know very much about Rita Ora and even less about her ex-boyfriend A$Ap Rocky. I know that Rocky has just released a new album (the Sun told me) called At.Long.Last and that in one of the tracks (Better Things) he raps about Rita Ora allegedly performing an unmentionable act on him.

Perish the thought. Obviously this guy is a first class prick with revenge sex issues as he clearly holds a special place in his black satanic heart for girls with big mouths.

And as for his music, it’s shit. This Better Things tune isn’t going to cure famine in Africa, nor will it turn Rita’s native Greece into a thriving economic juggernaut. No, all it’s intended to do is flush Rita Ora’s ‘pristine reputation’ down the toilet.

So. Better Things. From verse two. [click to continue…]