I’ve been writing about trash heaps for so long now it’s beginning to effect my sanity. The news today (or what I consider news) is slower than a Kerry Katona spelling test.
So, it was either post about how I spent last night watching eye popping videos on YouTube or post this. I know, I should’ve gone with the eye popping videos. But anyway…
The giant hoot of laughter you heard this morning was caused by that freckled thorn in everyone’s side, Lindsay Lohan. Earlier this month OK! Magazine in America reported that Lindsay was ‘secretly dating’ Tom Cruise. The magazine claimed that after swapping numbers in London’s Chiltern Firehouse nightclub the pair became so close they could almost finish each other’s sentences.
The story goes that it was only a matter of time before Tom tried to convert Lindsay from Cokeology to Scientology. However, whilst Lindsay is dumb as a rock and the perfect victim for these people her rep says that she has not been chained to ‘Lord Xenu’s Radiator of Peril’ nor is she dating Mr Cruise.
I know, I should’ve gone with the eye popping videos. It would’ve proved more interesting and wouldn’t have looked like a skank-off in a Scientology sauna.
For those of us who keep up with the adventures of everyone’s personal life, the news that Apple CEO, Tim Cook is gay is about as surprising as hearing that Boy George loves a rent-boy dick.
Writing in today’s Business Week Mr Cook officially twirls out of the iCloset and explains that his sexuality was the greatest gift god ever gave him.
Here’s a snippet from the article:
“For years, I’ve been open with many people about my sexual orientation. Plenty of colleagues at Apple know I’m gay, and it doesn’t seem to make a difference in the way they treat me. Of course, I’ve had the good fortune to work at a company that loves creativity and innovation and knows it can only flourish when you embrace people’s differences. Not everyone is so lucky.
While I have never denied my sexuality, I haven’t publicly acknowledged it either, until now. So let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me.”
(via: Bloomberg Business Week)
Now what do we do? Do we laugh? Do we cry? Do we let out a pink“whoppee?” Should we bow down and praise the God of Johnsons because Tim has finally declared his love of ‘iCock’? I don’t know what to do.
Congrats to Tim! And now that Tim Cook is publicly OUT Graham Norton can send him a welcome basket in the post.
And yes, spelling Tim’s surname correctly was the right thing to do.
WARNING: This may cause your eyeballs to pop out, so hold on to them tightly if you read any further.
One Direction’s, Harry Styles has long since left the world spellbound by his fantastical beauty. Last week he was photographed being sick on the 101 freeway in California. The presence of Harry’s vibrant vomit quickly caused the locals to erect a shrine to commemorate the auspicious event.
And guess what? If you want to become the proud owner of the spectacular piece of pavement art that was once Harry’s puked up pizza then all you need is an eBay account connected to a valid credit card. Yes, according to the Sun Harry’s vomit is now up for sale on the internet auction site.
It sounds to me like One Directioners are ready to take a messy dump over what’s left of their sanity.
But go imagine. What if it were you and your bid won. Presumably Harry’s puke would be delivered to your home in an armoured truck. You’d have to barricade your windows and doors, close all the curtains before you gently opened the box. You’d then pour your newly aquired treasure into a resealable pot before blessing yourself with holy water.
If you ever poured a drop of Harry’s vomit onto your hand then time would surely start moving in slow motion. You’d let out a hushed oh ma gawd beforeasking your iPhone, “Siri, is this puke fake?” If Siri didn’t reply then you’d know that one of civilisation’s greatest creations was right there on your hand.
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