No Words For October 18th 2014.

by Mike D.W on October 18, 2014

in Entertainment

You don’t need to know what this is, where I found it or what you can you use it for.

 


Rylan-Clark-dan-Neal-wedding-pictures-£300k-demands-OK magazineWhen People and Hello! published exclusive pictures of the most important wedding since the Duchess of Alba married that young toy boy, I thought that both magazine’s would have to close down because their bank accounts would be empty and their employees had been sold to slave traders. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt gave all that wedding money to The Maddox Jolie Pitt Foundation which supports various humanitarian projects around the world.

According to Wikipedia, the first pictures of Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, still holds the world record for the most expensive celebrity pictures of all time. Between them People and Hello! paid $15 million for those pictures back in 2008.

Meanwhile, former X Factor contestant, Rylan Clark can’t even get 15 pence and a coloured condom for the pictures of his upcoming wedding to pretty-faced partner Dan Neal. According to reports OK! magazine offered Rylan a deal for exclusive pictures of the big day. However the deal fell into a puddle of shocked holy water when Rylan told the magazine that £300k would secure the arrangement.

A source told The Sun newspaper:

“That’s the kind of money an A-lister like Madonna would command not a former X Factor contestant.

Unsurprisingly his demand wasn’t snapped up.”

Dumb-ass Rylan. If only he’d told them that Simon Cowell would be at the wedding wearing nothing but a pink tuxedo, a luminous thong and cowboy boots then the price of his nuptials might have broken ALL records.

Now all we’re going to see is a few close-ups of a 3-tier cake in Food & Wine Magazine, a single-page profile in Auto-Express about the wedding car and a few snaps of the custom-made dido Attitude Magazine sent them as a wedding gift.  Maybe Dogs Monthly will run something about the stray dogs of Essex who watched the wedding through the window.

OH YEEEES, the fun has just begun!


No Words For October 17th 2014.

by Mike D.W on October 17, 2014

in Entertainment

Blowing your ass off with a firework might be the most American thing ever.

 


Kelly Brook: Faked Is As Faked Does.

by Mike D.W on October 17, 2014

in Entertainment

Kelly Brook-Fake-engagement-David McIntosh-tabloids-mediaI could post a thousand words to say that these two twassocks faked an engagement so that they could fake a seperation so that they could fake a reunion for their fake reality show which they call Love Everlasting. But I’ll save myself some time by simply saying what you’re all thinking: WHO GIVES A DAMN.

Three weeks ago Kelly Brook and David McIntosh called off their engagement for the second time and yet on Wednesday night the UK’s version of Twit n Twat called up the paps who photographed them arriving at Kelly’s boudoir in Los Angeles. Yesterday ALL the tabloids helped themselves to a portion of powdered sugar before running some spammy headlines which heralded the new found love.

Since their latest attempt at trying to kick the Kardashian’s off the cover of the MailOnline seems to have worked it follows that Kelly and David might actually possess one functioning brain cell between them.  Whatever the case may be, the tabloids are failing to mention that Kelly has galloped away from sanity and is rapidly securing her place in the history of ‘British embarrassments abroad’. Of course David can now stick the misshapen dildo he calls ‘fame at last’ right up his ass now given that he’s guaranteed the tabloid coverage he so vainly craves.

And just for the record, I’d rather have a prostate examination than get into Kelly’s timeline of fakery she keeps on her twattering Twitter.

Do I sense that you’re trying to care. Or maybe you’re trying to pass wind. I know, it’s the latter because I doubt you’ve even read this nonsense since you’re still laughing at that “Kelly To Focus On Her Acting Career” headline you saw in the Daily Mirror last week.

You should watch Kelly’s acting career as it noses dives from one toilet into another. AND yes, of course I’m physic.


Amy Childs Has Broken Her Range Rover.

October 16, 2014 Entertainment

While they skip through the butterfly clouds, their cars are careering off the roads! Amy Childs got all shaken up last night after being involved in a serious car accident in north east London. The papers say that nobody else was involved in the crash and that Amy was shaken but not stirred. Amy was riding in her Range Rover at around […]

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No Words For October 16th 2014.

October 15, 2014 Entertainment

Vat’ll lern ‘im.   Tweet

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Trolls Threaten To Rape Chloe Madeley.

October 15, 2014 Entertainment

A few days ago ITV’s Loose Women star Judy Finnigan voiced an opinion about the former Sheffield United footballer Ched Evans. Readers will remember that Evans was jailed back in 2012 for rape but he’s due for release real soon. Judy had suggested that the footballing rapist should be allowed to resume his career. Judy’s comments sparked fierce debate in the newspaper columns, magazines and on social media. […]

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No Words For October 15th 2014.

October 15, 2014 Entertainment

Un-skank the skanks.   Tweet

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Meet Edward Smith, The Man Who ‘Jumps’ Cars.

October 15, 2014 Entertainment

Welcome to another slow-ass news day where nothing is going on except for this story about Edward Smith, a CAR JUMPER from the state of Washington in the U S of A. 57-year-old Edward isn’t attracted to men or women. He prefers cars. Edward loves cars. Edward jumps cars. Edward has sex with cars. It started […]

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Breast Feeding Is Like Committing Incest says Josie Cunningham.

October 14, 2014 Entertainment

Before we get into the twasted twatterlogue of a twittering twattock lets just say that Miss Piggy is not going to be happy that Josie Cunningham has stolen one of her favourite looks without asking permission. Right then lets get into this mess. Josie Cunningham has taken to Twitter and told her followers that breast feeding her baby daughter is a vile idea […]

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No Words For October 14th 2014.

October 14, 2014 Entertainment

It has to be more exciting than piano lessons.   Tweet

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Selfie Of The Week: Brooks Newmark.

October 13, 2014 Entertainment

On the subject of Tory MPs looking like rubber-faced ducks pushing gas out of their greasy fat stomachs. The fun loving Sun newspaper has now ruined everything for the former Minister for Civil Society, Mr Brooks Newmark. They’ve published a half-naked selfie the sweaty fool sent to a young mother he met on Facebook. After all it’s what the people wanted. As you’ll remember, two weeks […]

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No Words For October 13th 2014.

October 13, 2014 Entertainment

Mere mortals cannot match the all-powerful nightingale.   Tweet

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