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Tabloids Fixated With Cleavage.


Every day our tabloids advance equal rights for women by a few more topless yards. Chose a women with decent sized boobs, write about the men who’ve touched them, get a quote and hey presto – a news story which captivates the nation.

This morning our esteemed tabloids have continued with their cleavage parade. Once again their headlines are reading like a Who’s Who of the porn industry;

Susanna Reid – Busty Display!  

     Rachel Riley – Curvaceous Figure!      

          Charlotte Hawkins – Flaunts Her Cleavage!  

When they’re not publishing off-putting celebrity selfies the tabloids seem to think that these shenanigans will keep them relevant, newsworthy, in the groove, hip, zany and connected to our deepest primal instincts.

Over the last few months the tabloids have forced me to think more and more about this. After all I publish cleavage pictures all the time. I ask myself if publishing cleavage pictures is just my lame excuse to show tits again or is a curvaceous cleavage really relevant and newsworthy?

The answer is as obvious as it is disturbing. Tits sell, just ask a Page Three girl.

That said, I do find myself wondering if ‘clever cleavage’ might be more appropriate…. you know, some busty student flopping them out at Oxford University. Twice as interesting? What about busting them out on top of the London Eye? The answer to both questions is a resounding no.

I also wonder about those ‘life-style’ pictures the paparazzi take of reality stars in the park. Those strenuous workouts mean a tracksuit is simply too burdensome. Yes, wannabe, get noticed, and while you’re at it start flashing them on social media too. Yes, let’s be friends.

There’s not a single person over twelve who doesn’t understand what I’m talking about. If the tabloids are to be believed then it’s safe to assume that no attractive woman likes to wear clothes in public and, just like God intended, she loves sharing her body on a web cam.

Well, so be it then tabloids. If it’s good enough for you then it’s good enough for me.

Sell Art Online

Cara Delevingne Causes Outrage with Gun Picture.

Cara Delevingne-gun-picture-paris-attacks
Cara Delevingne has posted a picture of herself dressed in a Paris beanie hat alongside a childhood photo of herself posing with a toy gun. This comes just days after the horrific Paris attacks.

I guess there’s a soldier in all of us. It doesn’t matter that none of her 20 million followers play Call of Duty, this was Cara Delevingne’s chance to get Fleet Street splashing her all over the place…. just like a Kardashian.

And it’s worked, she’s everywhere, the tabloids, the blogs, social media… and not for the right reasons either.

No. While her silly little picture was well received by some, there were many who felt outraged that it came so soon after the awful attacks in Paris. There have been tears, screams, broken windows, fights and one person even had sex with his toy poodle he was that angry.

Many have asked if this was simply Cara’s attempt to do something truly shocking in order to get people talking about her.

Well if that was the case then, for me at least, Cara’s picture has achieved the exact opposite of shocking. No, shocking would be if I saw pictures of Cara quietly reading a book, or arriving at work on time and being sober.

Now I’d have fallen out of my chair if she’d posted pictures like that.

I know, we shouldn’t criticise the behaviour of a zero witted model just because we perceive her as being dimmer than dishwater.

Cara isn’t dim, really she isn’t. How could she be? In 2014 her company recorded profits of £3.1 million.

That means Cara was earning a staggering £8,500 a day.

See. Not dim.

Kendall Jenner – Nips Out To Australia.

Kendall Jenner-nipples

As she continues with her promotional duties in Australia Kendall Jenner has not forgotten her mission. Go braless. Display nips. Show the world you’re more woman than your Dad will ever be.

Oh Kendall Jenner, showing off your nipples is about as rebellious an act as a fashion model can commit without being blacklisted as defective. Yes, ditch the bra Kendall and head off to Australia. Don’t dwell on those recurring blisters, remember your nipple’s are fast-tracking you into the MailOnline.

Now that his daughter’s barely legal bits are spread across the most popular English speaking website on Earth it’s easy to forget about Bruce, aka Caitlyn Jenner. Poor old ‘Vagina Dad’ at least his daughters are the closest thing America has to royalty.

That being said Kendall’s IQ tests might say moron her but bank account is saying genius. Seriously every time she bites her finger Calvin Klein gets a younger boyfriend. Even if she drove a reasonably priced tractor for a living the world would still regard her as a genius.

This is what salads and shiny objects are for. Success smells like this.

Art Prints

Charlie Sheen: Was His HIV Undetectable?

Charlie Sheen, HIV,AIDS,

It seems like forever since we’ve posted anything remotely related to show-business but if the Miss Marple in you is still wondering who the Hollywood actor is with the HIV virus then the name Charlie Sheen will be all over the world’s press later today.

Sheen is scheduled to go on America’s Today Show later and according to just about everyone he will talk about how he might die from something other than cardiac arrest or asphyxiation.

Everyone knows that over the years Charlie Sheen has engaged in a ton of drugs while romping with a series of sex workers. So that’s not really news. What is news are the reports which accuse Charlie Sheen of continuing to saturate his lovers long after he was allegedly taking medication for HIV.

Really, they say that his closet is full of coked up hooker skeletons and now they’re all about to come tumbling out to haunt him.

However, according to TMZ, Charlie Sheen believes that he didn’t deceive any of his sexual partners because, after taking his medicine, his blood tests didn’t reveal the presence of the disease.

Well that’s right, Charlie Sheen also believes that 9/11 was an inside job and just about everything else that coke heads talk about in the bathroom.

I wouldn’t be too concerned. It’s not like Sheen is a drug crazed lunatic prone to involuntary fits of narcissistic rage and gun attacks.

Try and feign concern. This story isn’t funny. Pass the tea.

Art Prints

PUTIN: Everybody Is Offended By Something.


PUTIN: Some people will always find a way to be offended because everybody can be offended by something. For example, using the word Muslim within ten Ramadans of the word terrorism is often followed by cries of racism and disparagement from the liberal left. It’s like taking a dump in their holy bowl of cornflakes.

Yes, everybody is offended by something. And somebody is always apologising for it.

However apologising for offending minorities isn’t standard procedure in Russia. No sir, not if this short speech (below) by President Putin is anything to go by.

The speech was reportedly given on February 4th, 2013, when the Russian President addressed the Duma, (Russian Parliament) about the tensions that exist with minorities in Russia.

In Russia, live like Russians. Any minority, from anywhere, if it wants to live in Russia, to work and eat in Russia, it should speak Russian, and should respect the Russian laws. If they prefer Sharia Law, and live the life of Muslim’s then we advise them to go to those places where that’s the state law.

Russia does not need Muslim minorities. Minorities need Russia, and we will not grant them special privileges, or try to change our laws to fit their desires, no matter how loud they yell ‘discrimination’. We will not tolerate disrespect of our Russian culture. We better learn from the suicides of America, England, Holland and France, if we are to survive as a nation.

The Muslims are taking over those countries and they will not take over Russia. The Russian customs and traditions are not compatible with the lack of culture or the primitive ways of Sharia Law and Muslims.

When this honourable legislative body thinks of creating new laws, it should have in mind the Russian national interest first, observing that the Muslims Minorities Are Not Russians.

Putin’s words quickly found their way around cyberspace, political blogs, forums, social media and email. However, there is no credible evidence that Putin actually made such a speech. No speech with those words is listed in the Speeches and Transcripts section of the President of Russia Website for February 4th, 2013 or any other date in February. And searches of the website – and the Kremlin archive pages – reveal no transcripts of such a speech.

Oh, boo hooo! It’s just a joke, not a particularly funny joke, if for no other reason than political writers didn’t know if the Duma gave Putin a five minute standing ovation or not.

Paris Attacks – The Aftermath.

Paris attacks

Paris Attacks: People in masks scream Allah Akbar as they storm a concert hall with AK47s and start slaughtering the entire audience. Stade de France panicked by detonating suicide vest, happy hour gone sad at Le Carillon bar and disaffected Jihadists open fire at Le Petit Cambodge.

Yes, the horror filled headlines after Islamic Terrorists went on the rampage in Paris hell bent on killing anybody not bowing to Zod. It’s hard to imagine how frightening it is when ISIS warriors enter your city because you don’t believe in somebody that they’ve never met.

We really should kick some Saudi ass and tell them there’s no more free shit or fighter planes until they stop secretly funding terrorists. We need to clean up Iraq, let our tourists back in. Afghanistan, forget about it. A thousand years of militant Mujahideen needs to be put down. Shove bombs up their horses’ asses and make them watch endless repeats of X Factor until they disembowel themselves with toilet paper rolls.

I’m sorry, was that politically incorrect? Was it as politically incorrect as, say, murdering writers and cartoonists because their magazine wasn’t particularly flattering? Tell me Jeremy Corbyn, I need to know, because this shit is spreading.

Damn, these Paris Attacks were really bad, NMi is now closing for the rest of the day while we think about that.