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National TV Awards: Dress Disasters.

National TV Awards Lady Colin Campbell

Last night the National TV Awards were held at London’s O2 arena. Britain’s favourite actors and actresses joined the wannabe brigade and together they filled London with all the happiness, grace and style it could handle.

However when Lady Colin Campbell, (surely the most stunningly creature to ever wear a gown) arrived on the red carpet the crowd were expected to curtsy and gently bow their heads. Unfortunately I can’t find a single picture of the host, Dermot O’Leary curtsying or bowing his head like he should have been. Heathen so he is.

FYI: Lady Campbell is a British writer, socialite, and television and radio personality. She is 69 years-old and is best known for her books on Diana, Princess of Wales and Queen Elizabeth.

I’ve been through all the gossip columns this morning and once again my eyes are suffering that special kind of pain which only comes from trying to figure out which dress disaster to present here on NMi.

I should have seen this coming because dress disasters always come in threes. First up last night was that tragic spiky head-piece thing worn by Jogie Porter. Then came a DIY robo-bride dress affair worn by Lydia Rose Bright. Finally came the …I’m not sure what Lady Campbell’s gown actually is. An enchanted come-to-life bag of lobster nets? Sure, that works!

Yes indeed. Global warming needs to get over itself, because Lady Campbell’s gown is the worst thing to happen to our planet EVER. It’s worse than genocide, war, natural disasters, warts, kitten abuse, Kim Kardashian, Katie Hopkins, baked bananas and even CROCS!

Yes, Lady Campbell’s gown is worse than all of those things put together.

Kanye West Must Be Stopped!

Kanye West, David Bowie,tribute album,petition,

Last week the prestigious Daily Star newspaper reported that Kanye West intends to record a David Bowie tribute album. The paper claimed that West intends to create a ‘straightforward’ covers album of Bowie’s greatest hits and then deliver his own rappy rhymes over the top of them.

Well there’s a stroke of pure genius for you. Of course you’ll remember how Kanye West once described himself as the “Greatest living rock star on the planet” which is easy to say when you can’t play a musical instrument. That’s Kanye West for you.

Unfortunately for David Bowie, Lemmy Kilmister, Glenn Frey and a host of others they’ll never find out. And that’s 2016 for you.

Anyway, lets get back on point. According to the music press this morning a petition has been started to get Kayne’s so far unconfirmed tribute album stopped before it starts. The petition, which has already had more than 5,000 signatures was created by Mr Peter Pirahna.

It reads:

David Bowie was one of the single most important musicians of the 20th and 21st century. It would be a sacrilege to let it be ruined by Kanye West.

That’s petitions for you. Obviously I’ve signed Peter’s petition but I guess we need to accept the fact that young people today just like listening to horrible shit. That’s the X Factor generation for you. Visit a jazz bar or the Cavern Club where the Beatles started, they’re probably ‘twist and shouting’ to Kayne West every night. That’s sacrilege for you.

It’s now only a question of time before we see Kayne West on Twitter defending his genius and blaming his lack of acceptance on being too awesomely famous for creating groundbreaking music. One more public relations mountain to climb. 

This world is horrible.

Alright alright, lets cheer your glum asses up by handing over to the great man himself, David Bowie. Here’s Changes for you.

Glenn Frey 1948 – 2016. Rest in Peace.

Glenn Frey RIP Eagles

If you were born in the 1950s then go ahead and pay that life insurance premium because 2016 is taking everyone to heaven. Glenn Frey, a founding member and guitarist/vocalist of The Eagles has died. He is now knocking on Heaven’s Door with David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Celine Dion’s husband and brother. They were all in their 60’s.

Glenn Frey died yesterday after suffering rheumatoid arthritis, ulcerative colitis, and pneumonia. He was just 67.

A statement was posted on the Eagles’ website:

“It is with the heaviest of hearts that we announce the passing of our comrade, Eagles founder, Glenn Frey, in New York City on Monday, January 18th, 2016.

Glenn fought a courageous battle for the past several weeks but, sadly, succumbed to complications from Rheumatoid Arthritis, Acute Ulcerative Colitis and Pneumonia.

The Frey family would like to thank everyone who joined Glenn to fight this fight and hoped and prayed for his recovery.

Words can neither describe our sorrow, nor our love and respect for all that he has given to us, his family, the music community & millions of fans worldwide.”

(via: The Eagles.com)

Glenn co-wrote and sang many of the Eagles’ biggest hits including “Tequila Sunrise,” “Lyin’ Eyes,” “Take It Easy” and “New Kid In Town.” When the Eagles disbanded in 1980, Glenn released his own music and acted in Miami Vice and Jerry Maguire.

Thank you Glenn – for writing the best lyrics;  

“Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends. She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends. 

How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.

Some dance to remember, some dance to forget.”

Thank you Glenn – for Hotel California.

2016 is a damn demon. Rest in Peace, Glenn Frey.

January – End of.

seven Reasons to Celebrate end of January
So. The end of January. It’s just another month, right? Wrong.

Here’s Seven Reasons To Celebrate End Of January by Michael Wheeler for Mode.com

Katie Price Sings…

Over the years Katie Price has worked extremely hard. She’s ‘edjamacated’ herself and become smart and ambitious. At 37 she’s moved on from modelling her enormous fake boobs and become a prodigious seller of perfumes made from chemicals still illegal under the Geneva Convention.

This weekend Katie Price celebrated her third wedding anniversary by sharing a video set to the 1994 hit Save The Best For Last. It’s sung by Katie herself.

I don’t mean to worry the good people of Brighton but I think Katie Price might be a Transformer. Really, I do. I mean lets face it, you can get a free pass for any music you like but if you’re trying to fit in with the people you’re supposed to be impressing then this isn’t the way forward.

I get it. Katie probably doesn’t know (nor care) that the sound of her un-modulated whines will eventually drive her husband into any early grave.

All I can say then is thank god Katie’s re-purposed junk tune isn’t being sold on E-Bay like her wedding dress as an expression of emotional fortitude in the face of a lost love.

Also. I trust that Katie’s agent has informed her that tunes like this get a ton more downloads after the singer perishes in a pitchfork accident….. just saying. 

And finally. The person who created auto-tune should be shot and his head put on a spike for the hell he has unleashed upon us. Click below.

The Revenant Premieres in London.

The RevenantThe award winning film, The Revenant held its UK première in London town last night. It was held in Leicester square and apart from the usual procession of Z-lister nobodies few celebrity types bothered to turn up.

Maybe the Britain’s contingence of thespian excellence weren’t invited. That in itself would be a little surprising as the film has been hailed a masterclass in film-making with a show-stopping performance from leading man, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Apparently The Revenant is based on a true story and according to early reports from the critics there is one ‘unusual’ scene where Leonardo DiCaprio is soundly raped by a bear. I don’t know if the film makers used a real bear or simply dressed a burly stuntman to look like a bear. Whatever, the bear deserves an Oscar nomination for looking incredibly handsome. 

In the film DiCaprio plays a survivalist who does all sorts of unspeakable and disgusting outdoor-man things to stay alive in the woods. Well, except for lighting fossil fuels that is, given the pact he made at the Paris Climate Summit with Ban Ki-moon last month. Not that China gives a shit.

Anyway, people who’ve seen the film describe the bear scene as shocking and yet somehow extraordinary. To be honest with you I have no idea what it’s like to watch a bear roger a chap. Who knows, maybe it’s like watching Katie Hopkins doing Cara Delevingne with a strapon.

Oh well whatever it takes – this is how you win awards.

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