Poeming Danielle Lloyd.

August 11, 2014 Celebrity

Just look at that cute Danielle Lloyd. Even though her world has crumbled into her deep bosom cleft how could you not root for Danielle. Considering that her name is prefaced by the words “glamour model” you may find the aforegoing tale a little hard to believe. But here goes. While Danielle decides what to […]

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Boxing Promotor Frank Maloney Is Having A Sex Change.

August 10, 2014 Celebrity

Bear wrestling, old school shaving and a few other quintessential masculine past times are things of the past for former boxing promoter Frank Maloney. Sitting in a girdle so tight that he passed gas, Frank explained to the Sunday Mirror that he’s okay with slimming down his Adam’s apple, getting pig tails and starting life as a […]

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Sarah Ferguson. Going Going Gone!

August 9, 2014 Celebrity

As you know my job is to sit here, drink tea and post scandalous commentary about people who are better off than myself. I love my work. Sadly scandalous gossip is about as thin on the ground as an olive branch in Palestine right now. I’ve checked all the gossip columns this morning and all […]

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Miley And Lily – Crotches And Tongues.

August 8, 2014 Celebrity

Last night in her hometown of Nashville, Tennessee Miley Cyrus showed up to the Bridgestone Arena where she spent most of her time rubbing her genitalia in front of a bunch of kids barely old enough to have lost their first teeth. Her support act was none other than our own Lily Allen who jumped […]

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Faces Of Meth – Featuring Kim Kardashian.

August 8, 2014 Celebrity

I’m going to award Kim Kardashian an “A for effort” for trying to cover up her methface with a million plastic surgery procedures. Unfortunately, all the injecting and prodding has brought the meth out even more. Mega methface! I’m kidding. Actually there’s a good reason for why Kim looks like she should be on the cover […]

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Sorry Mrs Carter.

August 7, 2014 Celebrity

As you’ve probably heard both Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z are suffering Fifty Shades of Gloom right now because the media won’t stop saying that their slutty burqa of a marriage is on life support. It’s true. Over the last few months Messrs Media and Blog have been offering any number of reasons as to why this ego driven couple […]

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Lauren Goodger – Stunt Queen Stunts Again.

August 6, 2014 Celebrity

Surgeons have stopped surgeoning, judges have stopped judging, hookers have stopped hooking and the birds have stopped… well singing. In fact everyone has stopped EVERYTHING. And it’s all because a talentless nobody has collapsed in a pile of stunt-queen trash. The Sun are the only ones bothering to report on this today and they’re telling […]

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Lindsay Lohan Finds JK Rowling In A Bong Full Of Goldfish.

August 6, 2014 Celebrity

Praise be to the Daily Mail this morning for bringing us this picture of Lindsay Lohan. I was getting seriously sick of Justin Bieber’s wanna-be badass antics and I genuinely needed to get the bad taste out of my mouth because it was beginning to taste like deep-fried Kleenex. Anyway. THIS IS THE NEWS. Last week […]

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Babies: Name Your Price…

August 5, 2014 Celebrity

The celebrity trend for announcing the birth of their babies on InstaWitter, FaceGram or TwitBook took a turn for the worse yesterday when Katie Price’s publicist, Lauren Lunn-Farrow stole her client’s magic minge moment by releasing this short statement via Twatter yesterday: This is viral marketing at it’s efficient best but don’t worry it won’t be long before Katie’s […]

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Here’s Nicola McLean’s Husband Dancing His Marriage Away In Sin City.

August 4, 2014 Celebrity

Every time you lie you make someone die a little on the inside. It’s true. Life is a fixed plot of humiliation and treachery. Take Nicola McLean for example. Nicola has been married to her husband, Tom Williams for five years. They have two children together and live in Buckinghamshire. Tom used to have a gambling […]

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Lonely Prince Harry – No Girlfriend.

August 4, 2014 Celebrity

When I read the headline “The Loneliness of Prince Harry” in the Daily Mail today I immediately removed all my clothes and then covered myself in aloe gel. Because yes, somebody needs to be a royal Kleenex. Next month Harry will turn 30. All his friends are now married but he is still without a girlfriend, a partner or a wife. The royal […]

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Kerry Katona’s Fiancée Detained Under Mental Health Act.

July 31, 2014 Celebrity

It didn’t take long for Kerry Katona’s crazy train of soggy chips, empty wine bottles and bad decisions to crash and burn on the driveway of her house in Oxfordshire yesterday. The Daily Mail says that yesterday afternoon the cops were called to the village of Chinnor where they found Kerry’s finance, George Kay jumping in and out […]

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Justin Bieber: Hard Is As Hard Does.

July 31, 2014 Celebrity

As any self respecting man will tell you it doesn’t matter where you are in life, as long as you’re not the biggest pussy in the room. The biggest pussy in the room always gets singled out by the mob and then consumed. So, look around the room now and if you’re the one then take […]

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