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Emma Watson: Morning Model.


Emma Watson,Morning Model,Newsmediaimages.com

This is not good news if you always wanted to see Hermione Granger dressed slutty. And yes, be mindful of the consequences of running a Google search on that. This is why it was difficult to make Emma Watson our Morning Model today.

It was difficult to make Emma Watson our morning model today because she is not interested in wearing sexy underwear. She feels no need to be seen as incredibly hot and thinks that highly paid lingerie modelling would be a serious gender disaster for her reputation.

That goes way beyond my male understanding of course.

Emma occupies herself with more important things. Like being a Goodwill Ambassador for United Nations Women. [click to continue…]

Big Brother Big Banana.


Big Brother,bananna, newsmediaimages.com

About Big Brother… I skimmed through the bios of all the messes that are getting drunk, humping, fighting and acting like asses for our TV enjoyment and they look like the same old, same old.

There’s a scientist, (no really) an aging rock chick, a pair of broadly bents and the rest are a bunch of 20-somethings who look like they were rejected from The Naughty Girls Strip Club for being a tad too skanky. [click to continue…]

Lewis Hamilton: Fairness and Gigi.


Lewis hamilton,Gigi hadid,newsmediaimages.com

The world’s hottest little midget, Lewis Hamilton only made it to third place in the Monaco Grand Prix yesterday. That hardly seems fair to me.

If Lewis Hamiliton is angry because he’s a short-ass multi-millionaire and tax exile then sitting for hours on a two-pronged dildo built into his cockpit seat hardly seems fair either.

But you know, fairness is a myth.

Imagine if getting laid wasn’t something you had to work your ass off for, it was simply a by-product of your job. People who claim that we’ve all been dealt a fair hand can point out that Lewis might be a little short in stature but he gets to bang all the super looking models who descend on his place of work in order to fondle little short asses like him and bring them happiness.

You see? Fairness in action.

Take humping on Gigi Hadid for example. [click to continue…]

Lucy Mecklenburgh: Morning Model.


Lucy Mecklenburgh,Morning Model,Newsmediaimages.com

Nowadays the internet is literally saturated in models with their asses pointed towards Venus. So what makes Lucy Mecklenburgh so very different?

I have no idea but I’m hoping Lucy Mecklenburgh likes men with a sense of humour. Hot women always say they love men with a sense of humour, but then they end up with the wealthiest most humourless self-absorbed pricks they can find.

Do you think Lucy would prefer a rich perfectly ginger footballer or a silly skint slob like me who dishes up sexiest commentary on a website like this one?

Exactly.

But y’know, nowadays almost every female celebrity is some kind of model or reality star. They’ve become reality models. All that Protein ‘Are You Beach Body Ready’ nonsense seems superfluous in the face of a woman with an amazing ass. IMO they really can do no wrong.

And where’s the harm in that? Some people wake up in the morning and say to themselves, today I will go and shoot up my old school. Or they rush into their boring offices to create the next PDF detailing how mentally disturbed people wallow in their own vomit.

On the other hand Lucy Mecklenburgh gets up in the morning and asks herself how she can best show off her ass.

That’s just like Mother Theresa thinking about how she can keep deprived children away from class A drugs and slave traffickers.

I don’t know about you but I’ve noticed that reality models also love their social media. It’s their way of showing off their bodies and finding a love interest all at the same time.

Instagram – their eHarmony. “LOL, Heart you, oops my tits are showing, I’d love to be in love, STD free, Hugs, Kisses!

Yes, in these modern times that’s the best way to find a man with a decently adjusted income without getting hit on by sweaty men at work who’ll sob the moment you mention their lost fiancé.

Lucy, you deserve.


Kim Kardashian, Kayne West,kissing,newsmediaimages.com

If you can say something nice about Kim Kardashian and Kayne West, then go check yourself into your nearest loony bin. Actually, save a place for me, because I need some psychiatric help for posting about these two plonkers.

To celebrate their first wedding anniversary these particularly vain trollops took of themselves off to a photo booth and then placed these pictures on public view at Instagram.

I mean, really? What is this? Why did it happen? What fools do this?! Why?! Who is responsible for allowing them to unleash this horror-billy porn upon humanity?

What do you think? Is this nasty mess above and beyond camp? I think it is. Yes, the joke is on all of us.

I know, my simple mind, it just can’t comprehend this kind of artistic genius. That’s kind of ironic since my other half is also an Armenia artist of world renown. (<– written in ‘fonte de sarcasme.’)

It’s refreshing (possibly) to be able to see a side view of Kim Kardashian’s ferret looking face while it’s not being totally eclipsed by a massive co… never mind, but in any event that’s a weird looking tongue.

Seriously, who actually likes it? Raise your hand….and then immediately put it in your food mixer and turn it on.

Oh what the hell, I’m hypnotized by that tongue! I can’t stop looking at it. I think it holds the cure for cancer. Oh! There! I just said my something nice.

Tina O’Brien: Morning Model.


Tina O'Brien-Morning Model, Newsmediaimages.com

Seeing an actress like Tina O’Brien wearing her lingerie makes me so glad that soap operas exist. There’s nothing more sensual than an actress wearing little more than a smile.

So that’s why Coronation Street’s Tina O’Brien is our Morning Model today.

Y’know, women must buy a ton of underwear because there must be about a thousand different brands available to them in the average high street. By my estimation there are only three different brands for men. White black blue.

So if you’re ever in a shop with lots of different underwear options for men, then think twice before you Facebook your location. Either that or the time has come to tell your parents that you’re gay.

I didn’t invent the rules, I’m just explaining them.

Anyway, Tina O’Brien is pretty damn hot. I think if the Coronation Street producers rang a bell every time one of their actresses got undressed and posed in her underwear then Manchester would sound like Rome.

Whenever I look at Tina O’Brien she always looks unhappy. I hate to see anybody look unhappy. Seeing a good looking woman with a melancholy look on her face makes me want to take her out for a drink. We could then mock all the less attractive people around us.

We could also lament how reality television is turning an entire generation of young women into brain dead bimbos. I could then explain to Tina why this moral decay is not such a bad thing.

Yeah, this could happen, if I ever met Tina O’Brien.