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Walton Ford: Pacific Theatre. SOLD!

Walton Ford,Leonardo Dicaprio,pacific theatre,Everybody wants to own piece of the artistry that is Walton Ford. Even our part-time overzealous neighborhood watch commander said he would remortgage his family for one of Walton’s paintings.

I can only imagine the groundswell of curiosity – what does Walton Ford actually do with his days?

I guess there must be many people asking that question today because Leonardo DiCaprio, who painted the Mona Liza, opened the bidding at $250k for one of Walton’s paintings at the Turtle Ball auction. which was held in New York.

The Turtle Ball auction, which was held in New York, brought together some very rich people and asked them to lay down six figures for designer paintings and some artistically created earbuds. The proceeds would be going to fight the good fight for endangered turtles around the world.

No. Not AIDS, Tuberculosis, or Malaria, TURTLES! Some artists call these auctions their personal ATM. When Bono sings about them everybody cries.

Pacific Theater,Walton Ford

Anyways. Lets get back on point.

When the auctioneer held up Walton Ford’s Pacific Theater DiCaprio placed the opening bid. $250,000. He thought he’d be outbid by the other guests, Patti Smith, Naomi Watts, Robert Kennedy Jr. and Richard Branson. But they all sat on their hands until the auctioneer declared DiCaprio as the winning bidder.

Oops and oh dear. Leonardo DiCaprio nearly fell off his chair, he pointed in disbelieve at Christie’s Loic Gouzer and art dealer Tico Mugrabi who were sat at his table. His eyes pleaded help me out here.

So eventually Gouzer agreed to split the $250,000 with DiCaprio.

And it all ended happily ever after.

Here’s why.

The Walton Ford painting is probably worth twice that paid which means one of these lucky fella’s is going to hang it in his loft and hear people say,  ‘Oh, I see you’re looking at my Pacific Theatre’. Yes Leonado, the ladies will surely swoon.

Yes, Richard Branson, the opening bid WAS a tactical one. Yes, Patti Smith, Leonardo DiCaprio and Walton Ford ARE close friends. Yes, Naomi Watts, the Pacific IS an ocean, not a theatre.

Katie Hopkins – A Rant Too Far.

Katie Hopkins,Jaxon Buell,tweet

We all know that social media has provided Katie Hopkins with a platform to rant about any subject that comes into her warped mind, including bleaching her anus, but yesterday this hateful woman went a ‘rantic’ too far.

This time, the priestess of anti-culture has ‘tweetied’ about a tiny baby and hasn’t given a damn about him as a person.

Here’s what happened.

Jaxon Buell was born last year with microhydranencephaly, which is an uncurable malformation of the brain. It means that his scalp is ridged – but that hasn’t stopped him from living life to the full. His parents Brittany and Brandon have been sharing his story in order to show other parents than the condition will not define Jaxon’s life.

And that’s how the lunatic prone to involuntary fits of narcissistic rage heard about him.

Tweeting about Jaxon yesterday Katie Hopkins branded him an ‘it’. See below.

Tweet, Katie Hopkins, Jaxon Buell

I know it’s easy to make fun of a celebrity who says stupid things or acts like a jackass because that’s what celebrities are supposed to do, but this from Katie Hopkins is just too hard to ignore.

Between her awful tabloid column and her even worse chat show (RIP), it’s pretty easy to want to pick this woman up by the feet and shake her until every last ounce of evil fat slides out of her pockets.

Seriously, when you look at pictures of her, in every one she looks like the face of a Boots branded testicle repellent. It’s almost impossible to not want to strangle someone like that.

Maybe the best thing Mrs Hopkins could do now is to put herself on a strict booze diet and stop watching gay porn. That way she’d stop seeing luminous ants crawling all over her ceiling at night and her hateful tweets would magically delete themselves.

It’d be a release for us all. Really, it would. Nobody would give a damn about her rantics anymore.

Oh well, until that time comes I’ll only have to post about her for what? Another twenty years?

Art Prints

Delevingne – Musical Nightmare.

Cara Delevingne

By The ColdHeartedxx

Cara Delevingne is the media’s barely legal girlfriend who uses a satellite communication system to beam her ‘sapiosexual’ messages anywhere in the world in just three seconds.

In the latest message received from the Delevingne satellite she said she was in Brazil (for the Rock in Rio festival) and dancing around the maypole with Rihanna and Sam Smith. An addendum to the message said that she had visited a local music shop and bought herself a guitar.

Well the warning signs are there for all of us to see. Plain as day. Be afraid people, be very afraid. Unless someone can strap this scissoring blue blood into a Hannibal Lecter mask then her reign of lesbianic terror may soon be extended to Spotify and iTunes.

And then where shall we be?

Yes, we’ll be living in an auto-tuned nightmare, tainted by the love whose name we dare not speak. The media’s questions answered in musical blinks. A musical dreamland where shrunken models suck on cotton balls until they pass their own livers.

We’ll be surrounded by caterpillar eye-brows who’ll squirm and wiggle around while singing into the ears of the listening public.

Eventually the NHS will have to warn the world’s teenage future about the dangers of touching tongues with ‘lesbionic’ rainbows.

Simon Cowell and Syco productions will convene a priestly counsel to work out how to send this unquenchable Delevingne vampire back from whence she came before she grows a moustache and leaves them far far behind.

Yes, that’s where we’ll be.

And you thought that last night there was an eclipse of the moon….

Art Prints

Morrissey – List Of The Lost.

Morrissey,list of the lost,novel, published

The vegan munching nutter, Morrissey is back with more pulsating nonsense. This time it’s his first novel which is published by Penguin and entitled List Of The Lost. And no, it’s not a book of recipes for organic steamed kale. Nor is it a book citing the vegetarian rights of animals.

No sir. List of the Lost is Morrissey going full on Morrissey by spitting at the British royal family, Sir Winston Churchill and Fifty Shades of Grey author EL James.

The 128-page novel is rooted in the horror genre. The plot focuses on a relay track team in 1970’s America. Each member of the team is killed off one by one after they meet the devil incarnate.

I confess, I haven’t read the novel but from what the critiques have said this book was probably written after someone gave Morrissy a surprise prostate examination.

For example the Guardian’s revered critique, Michael Hann had nothing good to say about this wacky crazy of a novel. Here’s a snippet from his review;

“It appears to be unedited, the curse of the writer whose commercial clout is stronger than their publisher’s willpower. It’s not just the typos and grammatical errors – of which there are plenty – but the endless digressions, the inability to come to any sort of a point.

There might be a tolerable 20-page short story nestling in here somewhere (there probably isn’t, but let’s be generous for a moment), but no editor has been allowed to search for it. 

It is an unpolished turd of a book, the stale excrement of Morrissey’s imagination.”

(Via: Guardian)

‘Stale excrement of Morrissey’s imagination’ – what can he mean?

Perhaps Michael was referring to the ketamine comedown that probably inspired these paragraphs from (surely) a winner of the coveted Pulitzer Prize for Irrelevance.

Of Sir Winston Churchill Morrissey writes;

Churchill himself would experience World War II safely and in a suite of rooms at Claridge’s most luxurious Mayfair hotel, with not a complicated twitch or pang to trouble his elaborate evening meal, often just he and Ivor Novello, like dons in senior common rooms, loaded on cognac and crashing into each other with doubled-up laughter, cigar-smoke being as close as they’d ever be to physical danger.

Of the Royal Family and the Queen Mother;

The names of the dead shall never be said, and those who insist upon being known as ‘the royals’ shall neatly and tartly cocoon themselves away in the preserved luxury of various country seats (as paid for by the dying poor), utilizing any rules within or without the game to avoid getting their hands dirty.

This, after all, is what the poor are for, and although the young men of England will die (unasked) to spare the self-elected ‘royals’ from Nazi Germany, the favor shall never be returned.

Queen’ Elizabeth and her mother were also hailed as World War II ‘heroes’, having done nothing throughout the war but dine lavishly in protected splendor with their manicured teeth ¿ always ¿ saying nothing, saying nothing, oh so royally saying nothing (lest they say the wrong thing ).

And on Fifty Shades of Grey author EL James Morrissy had this to say;

 Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.

Yup, punctuation. All wrong. See me. After school.

You know, I’m a little disappointed that Morrissey isn’t throwing a “meh” at the Labour Party. After all Morrissey hates everything and never misses an opportunity to go on and on about how much he hates things.

Actually I’m waiting for him to tell Jeremy Corbyn to eat shit and throw himself off of a cliff, and while it’s at it, take the meat eaters, China, the Beckhams, Paul McCartney, Elton John, and (insert everything else that isn’t a vegan cat) with it.

Sell Art Online

Claude Monet – Impressionist.

Claude Monet, WLA, lacma, Monet, Nympheas,

Claude Monet was a French Impressionist painter. He was born in Paris in 1840 and spent most of his childhood and youth in Le Havre.

As a young man Monet showed a flair for caricature. However in 1858 he met Boudin who encouraged by him to paint out of doors. The following year Monet moved to Paris and then served two years in the French Army.

After he was discharged Monet entered the Parisian studio of Gleyre where among his fellow pupils were Renoir, Sisley and Bazille. They became firm friends.

As a young aspiring artist Claude Monet painted in the Forest of Fontainebleau and around various parts of Paris. Claude Monet frequently painted with his friend Renoir and together they studied the effects of light and reflections on water.

These painting times with Renoir ultimately played a major part in the founding of the Impressionism movement (the name of the movement having been suggested by the title of one of Monet’s early paintings ‘Impression, Sunrise’).

In 1883 Claude Monet moved to Giverny, where he created a beautiful garden and lily pond which provided the theme for many of his later paintings. Over the years Monet’s fame and  artistic reputation grew.

While living in Giverny, Claude Monet was plagued by American painters. They knocked at his door, tried to gain entry into his water lily gardens and some even rented cottages in the hope of studying with him. Like Monet’s reputation the small hamlet village grew – into a vast American colony of artists.

By 1890 a local hotelier could ignore the Americans no lmore and began offering baked beans and American pie on his menu.

Monet resisted the Americans for as long as he could. He lived in fear of both imitation and their predatory designs on his stepdaughters. Both fears were justified.

While he managed to see off one persistant painter who was pestering one of the girls, he couldn’t stop Theodore Earl Butler from Ohio from marrying his stepdaughter Suzanne.

The wedding was commemorated by another American painter, Theodore Robinson, in a work called The Wedding March.

Claude Monet died at Giverny in 1926.

Here’s Claude Monet in action.

Picture: Claude Monet [Public domain] via Wikimedia Commons

Celebrity Big Brother – Fight!

Celebrity Big Brother-fight

It’s important in a woman’s life that no matter where she falls on the pretty scale she never allows herself to become the biggest pussy in the room. Ask any woman who’s competed in Celebrity Big Brother.

Because I never watch Celebrity Big Brother it’s probably best if I now hand you over to the MailOnLine, who are reporting….

‘A fight broke out on Celebrity Big Brother’s spin-off panel show last night and ‘Allo ‘Allo actress Vicki Michelle had to be rushed to hospital after champagne glasses and chairs were thrown.

Police were called after Farrah Abraham, Jenna Jameson, Janice Dickinson and Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace were involved in a fracas on Channel 5’s Bit On The Side, which ended 12 minutes early.’

(Via MailOnLine)

Well, I guess nothing sucks more than those moments when you’re stuck on TV with your arch enemies. You can’t yell out any of the nasty shit you’re thinking. So, you just sulk. And wonder why the bitch opposite is so damn sensitive about her stupid hair perm.

Remember this. In a lady fight the second biggest bitch always runs. Then the biggest bitch is singled out by the rest of the pack and devoured. Look around the room. If you’re not sure if you’re the one, then you ARE the one.

My advice? Get the hell out of there.

These three didn’t heed that advice. Watch…

The live programme – which had a minute delay – was then muted from public view.