Becks Weeps.

by Mike D.W May 19, 2013

David Beckham isn’t crying because he just got arrested for acting the fool outside a gay bordello in Soho nor did he care about effin’ up his make-up by bursting into tears at the end of the final match of his illustrious career. Yes, David played his last professional game of football last night at the [...]

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Say Hello To The New Mrs Cockings! (Mrs Not Misses.)

by Mike D.W May 19, 2013

OK! Say Hello to the new MRS COCKINGS! Yes, that’s right Melanie Sykes has finally become Melanie Cockings. In a ceremony held at Sherborne Castle in Dorset yesterday Melanie married the roof-tiler that she met on Twitter last year. Jack Cockings. Twitter should be held account for this by allowing an innocent piece of photo-call foolery to [...]

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Eva Longoria’s NSFW Has Been Exposed.

by Mike D.W May 19, 2013

Today’s BIG-NEWS is the great Eva Longoria vagine expose! Yes, The Mail are telling everyone how Eva allowed her lady parts to flap in the wind as she arrived for the screening of Jimmy P. Psychotheraphy Of A Plains Indian at the Cannes film festival last night. Eva’s ‘vadgetable’ was exposed to the world as she adjusted her hem [...]

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Beckhams: Armed With A Smile.

by Mike D.W May 18, 2013

What in praying mantis hell is this from Cow-Posh Beckham!? That tentacle arm is like the octopus alien from Men In Black! I really didn’t think you could get arms like these from playing with Barbies all day. But seriously, she looks like a giraffe. I want to drive up next to her in a Jeep and feed her leaves. So [...]

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George Michael Injured In Motorway Smash.

by Mike D.W May 17, 2013

Here’s some siren breaking news. George Michael has been injured in an accident on the M1 motorway. This news is developing but according to the Sun web-site a few moments ago George suffered cuts and bruises in the incident which happened near the junction for the M25 near Watford yesterday afternoon. An air ambulance was called to [...]

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MORE MESS!

by Mike D.W May 17, 2013

This messy Celebrity Juice show is awkward comedy at its finest. Keith Lemon’s idea of funny is about as amusing as my little spaniel dog’s swollen anal gland (I’m taking him to the groomer tomorrow, don’t worry) Kelly Brook is leaving this childish disaster of a show next week before her growing reputation as diva-plated asshole makes her [...]

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Emma Watson Looks Different.

by Mike D.W May 17, 2013

If you walked past the Palais des Festivals et des Congrès in Cannes last night and wondered why hundreds of Harry Potter fans were licking the ground it was because Emma Watson had melted their nipples off after drops of her DNA were spotted all over the red carpet. Emma also appeared on the cover of [...]

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BGT: Pole Dancer Censored.

by Mike D.W May 17, 2013

Cycling has Bradley Wiggins, swimming has Rebecca Adlington, bottoming has Rylan Clark and now pole dancing has Tiffany McRory. When Tiffany auditioned her acrobatic pole skills down a long piece of chrome she thought she’d won a place on Saturday night’s Britain’s Got Talent. But the official censor has stepped in and banned her sexy performance until [...]

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Melanie Sykes: Wedding Of The Year IMMINENT !

by Mike D.W May 17, 2013

When The Western Gazette published the date and place of Melanie Syke’s upcoming wedding she made it clear that nothing is more important to her than the sanctity of marriage and her privacy. Which is why she’s decided to press pause on her marriage to her second husband, Jack Cockings. Well, there’s some news on Britain’s wedding of the [...]

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Rest In Peace: Paul Shane 1942 -2013.

by Mike D.W May 16, 2013

The Hi-de-Hi gang have given Paul Shane a ride all the way up to heaven, because he died today at the age of 72. The BBC says he was surrounded by his family when he died at a hospice in Rotherham, South Yorkshire, earlier today after a short illness. Paul was born a George (Speight) and long before we had [...]

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One Direction Latino!

by Mike D.W May 16, 2013

I know it’s wonderful and everything but what’s the point? One Direction’s Stadium Tour announcement has had over 454,000 Facebook likes and received a 100k in retweets, so I’m guessing your asses already know about it. I CAN’T with anything One Direction does, but what I’m looking forward to is them yodelling out their sugar sweet [...]

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David ‘Golden Balls’ Beckham Retires !

by Mike D.W May 16, 2013

Well who saw this coming! Football says goodbye to the man whose daughter’s voice is probably deeper than his. David Beckham has announced his retirement from football. Thank-you David Robert Joseph Beckham OBE for being the world’s highest paid footballer (2004). Thank you “Golden-Balls” for scoring ‘that goal’ against Argentina (2002) and thank you for [...]

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Just Look What Happened To Christina!

by Mike D.W May 16, 2013

Christina Aguilera is no longer a card-carrying member of Team Chunk after her record label told her to switch to a calorie-free red lipstick and get back to her Dirrtyera body shape. Yes, a diet is the only game you win when you lose (Karl Lagerfeld). In this picture above, tweeted from the set of her new music video Xtina [...]

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