Amanda Holden At The Launch Of Britain’s Got Camel Toe.

by Dolly Molly April 10, 2014

Somebody should tell Amanda Holden that the jumpsuit isn’t her friend. She turned out for the launch of Britain’s Got Talent this morning in an outfit which I can only describe as looking like one of my favourite yoga movements – the upward beaver downward dog. What in the name of hairless albinos has Amanda got going […]

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Slutty Like The Kardashians?

by Dolly Molly April 10, 2014

Thanks to some out of date prescription meds that I found in the medicine cabinet my hangover is ebbing away. Now I can fully focus on conjuring up a damn to give about the Kardashians. If you really want to know what I think of the Kardashians, then spend a moment with that picture of Jeremy Renner above […]

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Peaches Was Hooked On What?

by Mike D.W April 10, 2014

Since the equation Peaches + Xanax + Bathtub = Cause of Death doesn’t work for anyone the media remain baffled as to how she died. It’s a complete mystery. Yesterday the Home Office pathologist investigating Peaches death didn’t help matters when he said that he’s had to order a toxicology report because he’s as bewildered as the […]

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James Blunt Knows How To Pull Women With Just A Postcard.

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

Back in 2007 James Blunt said that he’d love to meet Gisele Bundchen. Unfortunately, Gisele wanted nothing to do with his ass. After that James stopped whispering “You’re beautiful” into the less conspicuous parts of women’s anatomies. Stopped that is until now. In an article in today’s Mail James tells the story of how on the day before shooting a […]

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WTF FACTOR: Why Gary Is Out Of A Job. (by Simon Cowell.)

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

When Gary Barlow picks up a copy of today’s Sun newspaper he’ll want to run for the nearest church and dip his piping hot genitals in a bowl of holy water, because he knows he can’t take any more of Simon Cowell’s heat. In a two part interview with Fleet’s Street’s finest Simon Cowell humps the floor with whatever is […]

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Hotel California – Sponsored by Patsy Palmer.

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

Patsy Palmer might be a painfully self-involved diva in a soap opera but she’s also a bloody genius. Not only is she good at learning her lines and then shouting them at a camera, her business acumen is pretty damn brilliant too. Yes, it’s true. Without any pre-promotion or notice Patsy Palmer has decided to […]

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TV Doctor Knows Exactly How Peaches Died.

by Mike D.W April 9, 2014

Later today at a hospital in Kent a Home Office pathologist will carry out a postmortem on Peaches Geldof. When the pathologist has finished his work he will produce a report which will answer the question which hangs on everyone’s lips – what caused Peaches to pass through the Gates of Heaven at such a young age? That could take […]

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WANTED FOR MURDER: Hot Young Model Possibly With A Gun.

by Mike D.W April 8, 2014

If you’ve made an ass-load of money then listen up because there’s a life lesson in here for you. Andrew Bush made a stockpile of cash running his jewellery business in Bristol, England. So he divorced his wife, Sam and started romping with barely legal models young enough to be his daughter. It’s all in the […]

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Morning Model: Amy Willerton.

by Mike D.W April 8, 2014

Nothing could be more disappointing in a man’s life than his first visit to a topless beach in the south of France. His expectation of an endless sea of hot women with gene tingleing figures is instantly dashed when he’s sees his first German housewife with leathery mammillas drooping over her belly tyre like a […]

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Amanda Holden: Spanked By Mailonline.

by Mike D.W April 8, 2014

My Dad once told me never stand next to a lady wearing a three-sizes-too-small dress. It will let go. And when it does they’ll be pieces of Spanx flying everywhere. Amanda has put an end to all those gastric bypass rumours by telling the Radio Times that after taking up yoga she no longer needs […]

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Peaches Geldof Has Died.

by Mike D.W April 7, 2014

The BBC have reported that Peaches Geldof was found dead in her home in Kent this afternoon. The 25 year-old was a mother-of-two, a model and a journalist. She was also the daughter of Sir Bob Geldof and the very tragic Paula Yates. They’re saying that an ambulance was called to her home earlier this afternoon but […]

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Chloe Sims – New Teeth, New Smile.

by Mike D.W April 7, 2014

The who’s who of British society have all gathered in front of their iPads today to bask in the beautiful bright glory that shines from Chloe Sims’ new teeth. Some people choose to spend their hard-earned cash on acne treatment or hair transplants (Wayne Rooney) but after suffering spiteful comments about her teeth from both her friends and […]

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And The Name Of Kerry Katona’s New Baby Daughter Is…

by Mike D.W April 7, 2014

Last Friday Kerry Katona welcomed a brand new baby girl into our world. Whilst no name has officially been attributed to the tiny little human Kerry is thought to be calling her Jorgie – after her baby daughter’s father, George Kay. Were Kerry to name her CASH RICH or DINERO PECSOS then that would have been no […]

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