Prime Minister Announces Crack Down On Soft Porn Music Videos.

August 18, 2014 Celebrity

Our esteemed leader, David Cameron says that he feels our pain whenever he sees recycled trash like Miley Cyrus terrorising our children with videos of hairless beavers gasping for breath whilst being strangled in undersized leotards. Yes it’s true, Mr Cameron says that the government may be deaf, but it’s not blind. They fully understand why decent minded […]

Keep reading

Sir Ian Botham: The Picture That Nobody Asked For.

August 18, 2014 Celebrity

Sir Ian Botham’s Twitter handle is @BeefyBotham. I know, it sounds like the name of a mob boss or a butcher turned amateur rapper. Anyway, I like it and so it appears does a horrid hacker horribulous. Sir Beefy says that his Twatter was hacked this morning after a truly remarkable picture of a resplendent penis appeared on his timeline with the caption: “What […]

Keep reading

Julian Assange To Give Himself Up.

August 18, 2014 Celebrity

Taking a quick break from our usual program of littering the internet with irrelevant confetti NMi is bringing you this top breaking news story from the world of treasonous publishers hiding out in foreign embassies. According to sources, Julian Assange is due to take the walk of shame today when he finally leaves the Ecuadorian embassy in […]

Keep reading

Jessica Alba Had A Little Trouble With Her Skirt.

August 15, 2014 Celebrity

At a time when Sir Cliff Richard faces the possibility of telling the police his torrid tales of a tainted todger and the suspected wife killer, Shrien Dewani is declared as mentally stable as Louis Suarez, here I am telling you that there’s no news about. Well there isn’t any news. I’ve checked all the gossip columns and all […]

Keep reading

Nicola’s Three Of A Kind Sees Off Husband’s One Eyed Royal.

August 15, 2014 Celebrity

Finding out that 32 year-old Nicola McLean is going to be a single Mum is like finding a grey hair growing in your eyebrows. We’re getting old. After 5 years of being married to a gamblegasming loser Nicola says she’s done with his pokering, porn capers and Sin City sinning. Yes, she’s done being married to Tom […]

Keep reading

Police Raid Cliff Richard’s House Following Sex Abuse Claims.

August 14, 2014 Celebrity

I guess it was only a matter of time before Fleet Street added Sir Cliff Richard’s name to their creepy piece of trash list. Earlier today the police raided Sir Cliff’s house in Berkshire after receiving allegations of a historical sex offence. What seems to have happened here is that a man told the South Yorkshire police that back in […]

Keep reading

LEGALS: Innocent Bus Lane Abused By Ray Winston.

August 14, 2014 Celebrity

I find that watching Ray Winston doing those Bet365 ads on TV not only offensive but about as nasty as having a sex dream about one of my relatives. I know what you’re saying, “It must be a slow news day if you’re posting about Ray Winston’s unsavoury ass.” Well it’s the opposite of that, thankyouverymuch. […]

Keep reading

WHERE’S MY MUM?!!!

August 13, 2014 Celebrity

This picture of baby Eric having a special moment with his father’s panting chest fluff was probably inspired by a Sultry Mermaid cocktail made with crab juice and Tabasco sauce. Simon Cowell posted it to his Twatter this evening with the caption “Taking After Daddy.” As a father myself I sometimes wonder if my black heart would have […]

Keep reading

Here’s Michelle Rodriquez Naked.

August 13, 2014 Celebrity

Michelle Rodriguez. Let me start by trying to say something nice about this wanton wreck. She’s the butch Queen. A pretty pretty princess. She’s made from coke, crack and weed. She’s new, she’s creative and she redefines WTF. A few months ago Michelle was a petal scissoring light in a lesbian lurid world but she dropped her strap-on game in July […]

Keep reading

Where’s Lily Allen’s Wedding Ring?

August 13, 2014 Celebrity

Once again the Daily Mail invites us to go scuba diving in the sewers of speculation after suggesting that Lily Allen is now free of the marital burdens that came with her wedding ring. In an article posted to their web site last night the tabloid ran a series of pictures which show Lily, minus […]

Keep reading

Rest In Peace. Robin Williams 1951 – 2014.

August 12, 2014 Celebrity

There can be no more laughs and no more smiles. In fact there can be no mores of any kind today because Robin Williams, the funniest man in the world has died. He was just 63 years-old. Robin’s lifeless body was found last night at his home in Tiburon, California. The police think that he died after deliberately asphyxiating himself so they’re […]

Keep reading

Poeming Danielle Lloyd.

August 11, 2014 Celebrity

Just look at that cute Danielle Lloyd. Even though her world has crumbled into her deep bosom cleft how could you not root for Danielle. Considering that her name is prefaced by the words “glamour model” you may find the aforegoing tale a little hard to believe. But here goes. While Danielle decides what to […]

Keep reading

Boxing Promotor Frank Maloney Is Having A Sex Change.

August 10, 2014 Celebrity

Bear wrestling, old school shaving and a few other quintessential masculine past times are things of the past for former boxing promoter Frank Maloney. Sitting in a girdle so tight that he passed gas, Frank explained to the Sunday Mirror that he’s okay with slimming down his Adam’s apple, getting pig tails and starting life as a […]

Keep reading