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A Kardashian Cleavage Can Talk?


Kim Kardashian,Rolling Stone, Cover,Newsmediaimages.com

I think you can understand why some fans of Rolling Stone magazine are now threatening to cancel their subscriptions after the publication put Kim Kardashian’s cleavage on their front cover. I know I can.

I don’t actually subscribe to the magazine so I’ve relied on the online version to tell me what the hell Rolling Stone found so intriguing about a fat little reality star famous mainly for her overindulgence in penis. I mean, what else is she famous for? Her talent for doing nothing leaves much to be desired.

Anyway, it seems that Kim has talked to Rolling Stone about everything from her soppy sock selling brother to her relationship with Krafty Kanye. She’s even talked about her family’s doubts over the OJ Simpson verdict.

I imagine that Kim was so mentally fatigued by the interview process that eventually she couldn’t formulate a single intelligent sentence. This may explain why she didn’t mention her cavernous consumption of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream or her penchant for gluttonous amounts of gluten free pizza.

Ambition really is a double edged sword. I think we all know that with the right encouragement Kim could easily have become a waitress or a heart donor instead of a wobbling cleavage on high heels. This is why I don’t get Rolling Stone’s motivation for interviewing her. Not only are they losing subscribers they are also running a serious risk of angering the gods who first tapped Kim Kardashian with the slut stick.

Yes, upset those god’s and they’ll curse you from here to eternity. Curses range from the inability to utter dicksyllabic denials to spending your entire life with a large male body part buried in your backside.

For further details read Kim Kardashian’s rather dull interview in Rolling Stone.

Miley Cyrus Caught ‘Lesbianating’


miley Cyrus, Stella Maxwell,lesbians,newsmediaimages.com

Who else but the MailOnline could headline with the ground breaking news that Miley Cyrus is a bi-sexual rodent who is humping on the stunningly beautiful Victoria’s Secret model, Stella Maxwell.

Sometimes you get lucky but actually MoL it was the New York Daily News who first reported how Miley was ‘lesbianating’ with Stella.

“They hold hands and hug and are very comfortable together. They’re definitely together.”

(Via: NYDailyNews.com)

However what is interesting about the MailonLine’s exposé are the accompanying pictures. How the NYDaily could tell us that Miley has an insatiable obsession for female genitalia without something as specific as these pictures is beyond me. Perhaps the NYDaily’s order of the day is to ‘always confirm the premise of a story while wearing a pink blindfold.

Regardless, the MailOnline’s picture set definitely prove that Miley Cyrus’ ‘twataphyliac tendencies’ are the hottest news story of the day. Because these pictures are so damned exclusive NMi has no publishing rights for them. So to view them the best we can do is to send you here and here.

Warning, do be careful with This Picture as it’s slightly NSFW because Stella Maxwell appears to have her fingers in Miley’s…

That said. For some time now Miley Cyrus has been daring people to call her a lesbian so that she can respond by saying that she doesn’t like people placing labels on her sexuality.

Some day when Miley Cyrus has gained some weight and grown another beard all this will pass. And when it does Miley will then talk about her ‘experimental phase’ with some guy in a dress who works for Paper magazine.

Damn, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. If you were penning a story about coming out with a Victoria Secrets model you couldn’t find a better tear jerker than this one.

But y’know what else makes me sad? I miss the days when women in show business just rooted for the Communists and chomping on dick was an optional extra. For the men at least.

Gone are the days….

UPDATE: Thanks to Frankiescar.

Caitlyn Jenner: BIGGER Than Everyone!


Caitlyn Jenner,Tote Bag,Artpopper.com

Caitlyn Jenner’s future is getting bigger brighter and more beautiful as each day passes. Everyone’s writing about her. You should see how the tabloids are transfixed today after Caitlyn flashed a “hint of cleavage” as she left a theatre on Broadway last night.

Indeed. How the release of Vanity Fair’s heavily airbrushed photos has catapulted the world’s oddest father into the stratosphere of media obsession. It used to be his step-daughter, Kim Kardashian who was their biggest fixation, (her ass still is) but Caitlyn Jenner, the world’s newest woman has caused everyone to stop and think.

That’s right, ever since Bruce Jenner made the transition into a beautifully crafted woman men across the world are beginning think, damn, I’d like to be a hot woman too. I can refuse to do the housework because they’ll be no man around to tell me what to do. I’ll have car doors opened for me. I won’t have to pull my credit card out after dinner either. The man always pays right? Right! Equal pay, my ass!

So chaps, if you happen to have a spare couple of hundred thousand and six months of free time then I’d say you’re halfway there. Buy some friendly mirrors though. To complete your gender transformation take out a second mortgage, buy some testosterone blockers and you’re nearly done. Then comes the dick chop. Well, you’re on your own with that one.

Also, that Tote Bag you see above? Yup, you’ll be needing one just like it. Go to Artpopper.com they’re selling them.

Personally I’m quite happy with who I am. You know, me me me me me me me me…..

Nicole Scherzinger – Boyfriend Required.


Nicole Scherzinger, lonely hearts, newsmediaimages.com

The Greek island of Mykonos. Swing by bend over then say goodbye to those lonely times. It’s that kinda place. Don’t believe me? Ask Nicole Scherzinger.

Since splitting with F1 driver Lewis Hamilton Nicole Scherzinger has been about as lonely as Mother Superior’s vagina. So, last weekend Nicole went to Mykonus to un-lonely her lady parts. It worked too.

The Greek paparazzi pictured Nicole kissing an unknown lady friend, twerking with 23-year-old footballer Pajtim Kasami and showing off her lady patch to anyone who wanted a peep.

You know Mike Hunt would have been proud of her.

Now Nicole Scherzinger’s weekend of rampant rompage is over. She is home. All alone. Again. Happiness has gone. The dark clouds of lonely have descended over her life once more.

But Nicole doesn’t need to hear that kind of talk anymore. What Nicole needs is a man in her life. A proper boyfriend who’ll tell her to shut up and make him a sandwich. Someone to contemplate life with and moan at when he doesn’t put the toilet seat down. A real romantic type man who’ll delight her when he places After Eight mints in her tampon box as little heart surprises.

Yes, Nicole Scherzinger needs a sexy hunk in speedos who can give it to a woman right and right again. (By the way that’s also my eharmony profile. Call me girls!)

So, if you think this could be you… I mean really, if you think you’re man enough, then go right ahead, you’ve got nothing to lose – apply here.

Source.

Paris Hilton To Sue Pranksters.


Paris Hilton,Prank,plane,dubai,newsmediaimages.com

By now you’ll have heard how Paris Hilton was terrorised by a Egyptian TV company when they staged a terrorist takeover of the private plane she was travelling in thus making her believe that it was falling from the skies above Dubai.

Well hold on to your funny bones everyone, because it turns out that Paris Hilton is about to sue the pants off the pranksters and anyone in the Middle East who may have laughed at her misfortune.

Sources say that Paris was “totally freaked out” by the prank and has contacted her lawyers to find out who in the Middle East is responsible. Her lawyers have told her that she has a case for emotional distress against all of them.

Do you get it? This is what makes the prank so funny. Arab TV audiences may still think 9/11 was the funniest show on Earth but messing with Paris Hilton is just plain dangerous. Keep on chuckling Arabia but remember even Allah needs legal advice occasionally.

Source: Mirror

Ashley Cole – Punched By Playboy Model.


Carla Howe,Ashley Cole,Punched,Newsmediaimages.com

Breathless reports are claiming that Playboy model Carla Howe has punched Ashley Cole in the face… three times!

The reports say that the bust up happened at Tramps nightclub in London last night.

FYI: Carla is the twin sister of Melissa Howe who reportedly romped on Cheryl Fernandez-Versini’s bed when she was Ashley Cole’s estranged wife.

Anyway, lets hear from Carla who has been talking to The Sun:

“I punched him hard three times with my right hand and I was wearing a ring. Ashley had followed me from the VIP section into the foyer area and just got in my face. So I lashed out. Ashley was shouting ‘she’s busted my lip’. 

I was lead away by security but a friend told me he couldn’t talk afterwards. 

He deserved it. He thinks he can treat women like dirt. I was defending myself and my sister.”

(Via: The Sun)

Yikes. How does someone this insane, this stupid and this high stay upright long enough to sell her story to the Sun Newspaper? Honest to God, if Ashley took her to court and Cherie Blair flew in on a winged horse screaming, “It’s OK to punch Ashley Cole” it would seem the most normal thing that has ever happened in the ongoing saga of Ashley Cole and his willy wonker ways. a, I meant with an a. 

Considering the police didn’t arrest Carla as she fled the scene it’s hard to imagine that Ashley Cole is going do anything either, other than cuddle his teddy bear and talk to the little ducks on his throw pillow.

Now it only remains for the nation’s football forums to ponder if punching a footballer in the face can turn a stripper into some kind of modern day heroine?  I think yes. Yes it most definitely can. And some might say that Carla Howe is the greatest heroine of our times.